Mad Skillz

One day at work, my boss (who was female) popped into my office and asked me for some information about a project that I was working on. The information that she needed didn't pertain to the part of the project that I was working on and I didn't know the answers to her questions off the top of my head. To make matters worse, I didn't have immediate access to the information that she needed. I sheepishly told her that I would have to research her questions and get back to her in a few minutes with the information that she needed.

"Remind me again why you still work here?" she asked me. "What do I pay you for? What use are you to me, this office and this organization?"

Now, those were questions that I could answer, honestly and with confidence. I rattled off a list of my accomplishments. I smiled the smile of a hunter about to bag his prey.

Remember kids, if you can't dazzle the with your brilliance, be sure to baffle them with your bullshit.

"I kill spiders and other bugs," I said. "I'm the only one who can get the network printer to function properly, I carry all of the heavy stuff and I'm the only one who can reach things on the top shelves. Plus, I sure did plunge the shit out of the toilet the other day."

"You're a man of many talents," the boss lady said."I guess you earn your keep, after all."

"I can open jars, too!" I exclaimed, you know, because I'm a complete fucktard.

"Okay, now you're just bragging," she said with a laugh. And with that, she just turned around and walked away, probably to harass some other poor slacker that wasn't pulling his weight.

I never did get her that information that she wanted. Sometimes, it's all about misdirection.